His to Own: 50 Loving States, Arkansas Read online

The meaning of his words sink in, warm my heart. He’s talking about us in the future tense.

  “So you think we can have a future together that doesn’t involve me waking up tied up every morning?” I ask him with a grin.

  Colin grins back. “Of course we can. Some mornings I’ll be on the road.”

  Even though I never admit to being hungry, Colin closes his laptop a few minutes later, goes out of the room, and comes back with some fruit and cheese.

  He feeds me by hand, pressing grapes and tangerine slices into my mouth as we make casual conversation about some of the things that have happened over the past few weeks. Movies that came out, news events, and who we thought would win what at the CMAs.

  “You good or you want more?” he asks after a while.

  I look down and am surprised to see the plate is now empty. “I’m good,” I say. Though I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee.

  I watch him take away the tray, and it feels like he must have read my mind when he returns with two large red coffee cups with “Loveless Café” scrawled across them in white cursive. My heart sings with gratitude…

  Only to sink when he sets one of the cups on the nightstand. Just out of my reach, even with the slack rope.

  “That’s just cruel,” I tell him.

  He takes a sip of his own coffee before answering. “You give me what I want, I’ll untie you and give you what you want. Let you drink that whole mug of coffee before I fuck you silly.”

  I just sit there, glaring at him, wishing I was Yoda so I could float the coffee over to myself.

  “Okay,” he says. He goes back to his laptop, opens it, and begins typing so long, I wonder if he’s writing a novel. Maybe he’s writing erotica under a pen name on the side. At this point I wouldn’t put much past him.

  “I have to leave early tomorrow morning, you know,” I say after what feels like an hour of him typing.

  “Yeah, I know,” he says without looking up from his laptop. “Kind of feels like you’re wasting our time, Blue.”

  I would laugh at him taking the words I was going to say about him right out my mouth. Except I’m tied up in a superstar’s bed, brain dying for coffee, pussy aching for what only he can give me, and it really doesn’t feel funny at all when I open my mouth to ask him, “What happens if I give in?”

  He stops typing. “Are you asking me what happens if you submit to me?”

  I nod, unable to say the words out loud. Just having this conversation feels like a betrayal of everything I’ve ever known—everything I thought I was.

  Colin closes his laptop with quiet deliberation. He then comes over to the bed and stands there, looking down at me.

  I’m completely naked, but somehow I feel even more exposed when he looks at me like this. Like he’s reading the diary I never bothered to keep because I was too busy writing songs.

  Then he surprises me by crawling into bed with me, running shoes and all. He lies down, facing me, nothing but my bound hands between our naked chests.

  “What do you think will happen?” he asks, his blue eyes almost gentle on my face.

  “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.” I answer. “You know I’ve never done anything like this before with anybody else. I don’t have a clue how this goes after somebody…” I have to swallow in order to get the distasteful word out my mouth. “…submits.”

  And that lazy country boy smile of Colin’s comes right on back. “Alright, since you’re so innocent, I guess the better question is what are you scared of happening?”

  That answer’s a lot easier for me. “I’m scared if I give you what you want…”

  “Everything,” he puts in—like I need a reminder.

  “I’m scared if I give you everything, you’ll make me do something I don’t want to do.”

  “Something like what? Pass you around to my roadies?”

  “Yes,” I answer, completely straight faced. “And that scares me, because I just know I’d fall so hard for your guitar tech, Keith. He’d have me all strung out, and then where would I be after I’ve already promised my body to you? I don’t want you to put me in that position.”

  Colin doesn’t laugh, but his lips twitch at the idea of me passing him over for his balding, potbellied guitar tech.

  “Keith’s married with four kids,” he informs me. “And he’s old enough to be your dad.”

  I shrug. “The heart wants what the heart wants. I’m just saying I’m getting the feeling you wouldn’t be cool with something like that, so maybe we should just take the whole full submission question off the table, just in case things change.”

  The grin fades off Colin’s face. “Do you really think I’d pass you around to my crew?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “That’s why I think we should—”

  He takes me by the chin, makes me look at him. “Do you really think I’d pass you around to my crew?”

  “It doesn’t matter. The point I’m trying to make is—”

  “Kyra, do you really think I’d pass you around to my crew? Or make you do anything I didn’t think you’d absolutely want to do with my body?”

  “No,” I admit.

  “Then stop wasting my time. Stop wasting both our time. Say what you’re really scared of.”

  As if in answer to his own command, his hand moves up from my chin, and soon after, I feel the pad of his thumb tracing my scar.

  I flinch away, jerking my face back from his touch.

  And his eyes cool considerably. “If that’s what you’re afraid of, you should be. One day, I’m going to get that story. That story and all the other little secrets I can feel you keeping from me. But I’m not going to force you to tell me anything. I’m willing to work for them. Earn your trust.”

  I shake my head, “It’s not about trust, it’s about—”

  “No, Blue, this is for shit sure about trust. About you trusting me, and about me trusting you. I can’t do this with you if I don’t trust you. That’s why I need you to submit. Because that’s the only way I trust. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.”

  It is fucked up. The only thing more fucked up is I’m actually considering giving in. I look away, ashamed of myself. “Me saying the words won’t make me trustworthy. You need to reconsider your metric.”

  “I need to reconsider my metric.” He trails a finger down my forearm, leaving goose bumps in its wake. “That’s certainly an idea worth exploring, Blue. Why don’t you give this luscious body of yours to me, then we can discuss it more at a later time.”

  I once again almost laugh. But then I don’t. I just look at him, all sorts of helpless feelings roiling around inside of me. There’s so much I don’t know about him. Even more that he doesn’t know about me. How can I agree to this without everything eventually coming out?

  My indecision must show on my face, because Colin suddenly sobers up again, the wicked twinkle disappearing from his eyes.

  “Hey,” he says. “Ask me again. I think I have an answer for you.”

  Confusion replaces my indecision. “Ask you what?”

  “What happens after you give me everything.”

  “If I agree to this. If I give you everything, what happens then?” I ask him.

  Colin moves his face even closer to mine. “If you give me everything. If you say ‘Colin Fairgood, I belong to you. I’m all yours,’ then I say, ‘Good. Me too.’ That’s what happens next. If you give yourself to me, then I give myself to you.”

  I blink, my heart soaring, but afraid to believe.

  “So then, what? We belong to each other? No dom/sub relationship? Isn’t that like setting us up for conflict.”

  “No worse than we already been,” Colin points out.

  I think about what he’s saying. Really think about it. “We only really met a few months ago.”

  “I’m scared, too, Blue.” His hand settles on my face again. But this time when he thumbs my scar, I don’t flinch.

  This time, I hear myself say,
“Okay. I belong to you. I’m all yours.”

  Saying this feels like pushing a huge red button inside of me labeled, ‘Don’t Touch.’ Like I’ve just set a self-destruct clock, and alarms immediately start going off inside my head.

  The panic is so loud, I’m a little shocked I can actually hear Colin when keeps his promise.

  “Good,” he says. “Me, too.”

  He doesn’t untie me, but it feels like something’s been unbound when he leans in, pressing my bound arms into my chest as he kisses me, hard and deep, like he’s digging for all the secrets he knows I’m keeping from him.

  “Fight me later, okay?” he says. “But not now. Now I want what’s mine too bad.”

  I nod into his lips, smashing my nose into his. I doubt I would have been able to fight him in that moment, even if he wanted me to.

  My body—his body, wants this too bad. Wants the feel of his mouth on my breast, while he prepares the space between my legs for him.

  The sex is different this time. Quiet, but in its own way rougher than it’s ever been before. He pumps his fingers into me with ruthless deliberation. Demanding and getting nothing less than my complete surrender. When the first orgasm arcs through me, he pushes me onto my back and seals his mouth over my—his—pussy. I cry out, my thighs squeezing his head, unable to handle the intensity of what he’s doing to me, what he continues doing to me, even after I’m no longer coming.

  He laps at me, his nose pressed into my—his clit. Until I’m coming again. I cannot even begin to process what’s happening to me or how I can be coming a second time so soon. But I am, and when I finally come down, he flips my now very pliable body over like it weighs nothing.

  My breasts scrape against the silk sheets as he tugs my hips back, positioning my butt high in the air, wet core fully exposed. I can hear him behind me, fabric rustling and the bed shifting, as he removes his pants and shoes.

  After he’s done, I feel rather than see him reach out and rub a hand over my now very sensitive, extremely wet pussy. The fact that he says nothing as he does this makes me quiver more than I maybe would have if he’d talked dirty like he usually does. But he continues to work in silence, leaning down behind me, and using both his mouth and his fingers on me… and just a few itty bitty minutes later, I come for him again.

  “Colin!” I cry out. I’m really not sure if I can take anymore.

  But once again, he doesn’t wait for me to come down before moving on to the next thing. This time, splitting me wide with his length. It’s, as always, a tight fit. But I’m so wet I barely feel him go in, just the sensation of him filling me up.

  Despite the three orgasms, my body—his body—begins to move back into his, wanting… needing… more.

  But Colin’s hands clamp around my hips, forcing me to still with a steely squeeze and one word: “Mine.”

  I’m not trying to fight him, but I’m so damn greedy for Colin, I can’t keep myself from disobeying. My hips move wantonly into his, unable to do as they’re told.

  Which is why I’m not surprised when Colin’s body eventually covers mine. Keeping me in place with his muscle and superior weight.

  “Don’t fight me,” he whispers in my ear as he shoves himself into me. “This pussy is mine, Kyra. This body, this heart, this everything. Mine. Take your dick, Kyra. Take it.”

  The orgasm nearly kills me this time, stopping my heart with its intensity, choking me so I can’t breathe. And when I feel him finally come inside of me, flooding my core with his release, my mind doesn’t stand a chance. I blank out for a few moments, unable to comprehend anything beyond the grenade of pleasure that’s gone off inside of me.

  When I come to, my ears are ringing, and Colin’s weight is no longer holding me down, but I can feel his hands on my hips, caressing my ass as he pulls out.

  “Damn, Blue,” he says, falling onto the bed beside me.

  Exactly.

  I crawl forward on my knees and bound forearms just enough so when I collapse my head, it’s somewhat aligned with a pillow. My eyes fall close, and I figure Colin’s must be headed to Sleepy Town, too. But no, my arms are being lifted, the rope untwisted from around my wrists.

  I almost tell him not to bother. I can barely think, much less move. There’s no doubt I’ll sleep like a corpse tonight.

  But instead of that, “I love you,” comes tumbling out of my mouth as sleep drags me under. “It’s too soon, but I’m in love with you.”

  “Good,” I hear Colin say somewhere in the distance. “Me, too.”

  Chapter 34

  Colin and I aren’t much more than rutting animals for the rest of the holiday. Sleeping like big game cats, only waking up to fight, fuck, and eat. Colin takes full advantage of my submission, demanding to eat his pussy and suck on his breasts often. There are also a couple of requests for me to do things with his mouth. Requests I grant happily.

  “I love the taste of my dick in your mouth,” I tell him after the second time.

  He laughs. Despite the intense nature of our extremely sexual reunion, there’s a lot of that. Laughing. All the laughing almost makes me feel like we’re a normal couple in a normal relationship. Like we’re two people who not only like, but truly get each other. And that makes me happy. Happy bordering on hopeful.

  “I’m going to miss you,” I confess to him late Monday night.

  We’ve dragged ourselves out of bed to change the sheets and take a shower. Though I know a thing or two about changing bed sheets, this time it’s pretty difficult to get the job done. Like dragging my limbs through mud. I now think I finally truly understand the phrase “drunk in love.”

  Because that’s how I feel. Giddy and loose. Mind swaying as Colin and me perform this simple domestic task together.

  “We don’t have to miss each other too long this time, since I’ll be seeing you again when I come back for the CMAs,” Colin says later when we’re in his high-end shower together.

  He’s got both his hands on my breasts, taking a lot more time than necessary to soap them up, with no sign that he ever plans to rinse them off. Our session before changing the sheets was supposed to be our last. We both have places to be in the morning. But my nipples are hard as rocks, and I know if he keeps massaging them like this, our shower’s going to become not so clean soon.

  “Maybe,” I say out loud to Colin. “I’ve got to ask at work.”

  The thought of Beau takes the edge off the fire Colin’s built up with his soap massage and clenches my insides with guilt. That situation is going to blow up on me soon. Josie and Colin are no longer in touch, and I don’t think Beau keeps up with celebrity gossip, but it’s only a matter of time before he hears about Colin and me. Starts asking questions.

  “This client of yours a country music fan?” Colin asks, rolling my nipples between his soapy fingers. “I could call him. Tell him it’d be a personal favor.”

  I bite back a moan, “No, he’s not…” I lie.

  “Still,” Colin says. “Maybe you should let me talk to him. I’ve got a way of getting people to come around to things.”

  So true, I think to myself, but just the thought of Colin talking to Beau sends a fresh wave of panic through me.

  “I think I might have to give my two-week notice there soon anyway. The job’s great, but it’s not really a fit for me anymore.”

  Another tug of guilt, this time at the thought of telling Beau and Josie that not only will I not be accepting their nanny job, but I’ll also be quitting my current one after everything they’ve done for me. But I just can’t see any other way out of this mess that doesn’t involve me letting somebody down big time.

  Colin hands still on my breasts. “So you need some place to stay now?”

  I wince. Telling him this during my last few hours in his fabulous apartment along with my announcement that I’m in love with him way too early must make me look like the clingiest psycho girlfriend ever.

  “No, I’m not trying to get you to…” I break off a
nd tell him. “Look, I’ve got money saved and my room at my grandma’s house. That’s not a problem. I was just talking. More figuring out things in my head out loud. I’m not looking to move in with you.”

  Colin lifts his eyebrows. “So you’re going to fight me on this, too?”

  I shake my head. “Fight you on what? I just told you—”

  “That’s fine, Blue. I can play along. You’re giving your two-week notice and then you’re moving in here with me. That’s a command. Not a request.”

  I blink at him, wondering if I’m hearing him right over the sound of the shower.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, I’m serious,” he answers, face somber. “I like the idea of always knowing where to find you.”

  I shake my head. “But it’s too soon. Way too soon.”

  “You’re damn right it’s too soon. That doesn’t change anything though. I still expect you to be moved in here by the Tuesday after next.”

  I keep shaking my head. “I can’t just...”

  Colin’s eyes darken. “You will.”

  And suddenly, play time is over. Colin’s hand moves from my breast into a possessive hold around the back of my neck.

  “Now do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?”

  We do it the hard way, and I end up screaming my acquiescence with my breasts pushed up against the shower’s clear glass as he fucks me from behind.

  But he’s making a mistake.

  I tell him that after we climb into bed together.

  “I know you mean well, but there are things—things you still don’t know about me. Things I should tell you about.”

  “Like your scar,” he asks, reaching up in that tender way of his to stroke it with his thumb.

  I manage not to flinch this time, but only barely. Then I say, “It’s why I don’t sing in front of people anymore.”

  I can tell he’s surprised I said even that much. He goes still, like someone afraid to spook animal.

  And I go on, tell him near the whole story, almost relieved there is a secret I can tell him that won’t break us up.

  When I’m done, he pulls me in all the way, wrapping me in his arms. Giving me the hug I’ve been needing to go along with that story.